…this is your life. Your one life to live. The marathon, not the sprint. Right now, right here, this is it. You’re in the middle of it. Is it what you want it to be? How do you want the rest of it to go? If not now, when? These questions prod and poke at me constantly and have for months. For years.
This prodding and poking has been a part of me since a young age. It is evidenced from perusing the (exceedingly) detailed diaries of my youth. Documented are precise and lengthy details about days lived: books read, lunches eaten, dances attended, boys liked, troubles had, and dreams dreamed – – all written by hand in pen (I meant what I wrote and proved it by writing in pen!) on double-sided pages in the stacks of 3-ring binders of journals kept since I was 12 or 13. My documented youth.
It’s often embarrassing to read and sometimes it’s sad, but it all rings true and it is me, raw and uncensored. Every thought, every idea, every problem is documented.
There is a common thread throughout my years as a kid (that continues on through adulthood): there’s more to the life I’m living and it all revolves around writing, travel, and living in another place. Year after year, day after day, this is what I dreamed, wanted, and declared in these writings. It’s amazing, really, that a kid so young has dreams that continue throughout an entire lifetime!
So at this time in life, being middle-aged, I’m evaluating how I want to live the rest of my days. Evaluating how I can be my full self. How I can attain this life’s goals. It’s both exciting and scary! And I’m working in earnest to figure it all out.